Seeing God in the drugs, cuss words, depression, and pains of life.

Some of you might not know, but I just found myself in a position working at a christian therapeutic boarding school for a year.  After working a full week after training I have experienced things here that I have never experienced before and that have caused me a lot of stress, worry, pain, and of course good God moments.  These kids come here from many different backgrounds and different struggles that follow them here.  As they come into this journey of growth they run into a lot of strongholds that are hard to give up for change.  As a staff member I get to interact with these strongholds and pride to hopefully show them that there is something better and safer for them.  As you can guess these strongholds are strong...and they show themselves in anger, cuss words, rebellion, secrecy, and many more strong and hurtful actions.  These interactions with the kids do cause me to get a glimpse of the pain they have inside, and it really does take affect after awhile and messes with my emotions.  It was not till I started to get angry at myself, at the kids, and just at the life the kids faced that I knew I needed God time!

It has been hard to find a good solid moment to spend with God...I mean when I get done with work I just want to sleep and I am rudely awaken by an alarm clock..."Really already 6 am!"  I know these are excuses, but I definitely need as much sleep as I can before I can work again.  I was ready for my day off and I spent so much time with God and the Bible that I ran into a section that I needed so bad and might even be my theme verse for the year.  

Treasure in Fragile Clay Jars

4 Therefore, since God in his mercy has given us this new way,^[a] we never give up. ² We reject all shameful deeds and underhanded methods. We don’t try to trick anyone or distort the word of God. We tell the truth before God, and all who are honest know this.

³ If the Good News we preach is hidden behind a veil, it is hidden only from people who are perishing. ⁴ Satan, who is the god of this world, has blinded the minds of those who don’t believe. They are unable to see the glorious light of the Good News. They don’t understand this message about the glory of Christ, who is the exact likeness of God.

⁵ You see, we don’t go around preaching about ourselves. We preach that Jesus Christ is Lord, and we ourselves are your servants for Jesus’ sake. ⁶ For God, who said, “Let there be light in the darkness,” has made this light shine in our hearts so we could know the glory of God that is seen in the face of Jesus Christ.

⁷ We now have this light shining in our hearts, but we ourselves are like fragile clay jars containing this great treasure.^[b] This makes it clear that our great power is from God, not from ourselves.

⁸ We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair. ⁹ We are hunted down, but never abandoned by God. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed. ¹⁰ Through suffering, our bodies continue to share in the death of Jesus so that the life of Jesus may also be seen in our bodies.

¹¹ Yes, we live under constant danger of death because we serve Jesus, so that the life of Jesus will be evident in our dying bodies. ¹² So we live in the face of death, but this has resulted in eternal life for you.

This was a big spiritual slap in the face and also a big relief.  I reflected in prayer about the week before reading any passages and verses 8-10 really stuck out to me,"we are pressed on every side by troubles...we are perplexed...we are hunted down...we are knocked down"....I can see that here when working with the struggles of the job.  I experienced all those feelings this past few weeks, but the joy is in the next section, "but we are not crushed...but not driven to despair...but never abandoned by God...but we are not destroyed.  Through suffering, our bodies continue to share in the death of Jesus so that the life of Jesus may also be seen in our bodies."  WHAT!!!!  That is why I am here...not to be a parent, not to change the kids, but through the suffering I face here Jesus shines through.  

These verses have brought a whole new view and understanding to why and what I am suppose to do here.  I need to rely on God's power because I am just a fragile clay jar and shine Jesus through my sufferings so the Good News can be shone through the kids' blindness!  WOW...what a powerful and awesome call to this kind of ministry!